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Ambrose Bierce |
| Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. |
Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. |
Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. |
Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having. |
Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. |
Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think. |
Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. |
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. |
| Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.) |
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office. |
Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic. |
Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy. |
Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. |
Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. |
| The covers of this book are too far apart. |
| The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. |
| There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know. |
To be positive: To be mistaken at the top of one's voice. |