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Rita Rudner |
| Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love, though I'd stepped in it a few times. |
I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine. |
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. |
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight. |
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits |
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. |
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. |
Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before. |
My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head. |
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping. |
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them. |
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. |
When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?' |
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