Will Rogers |
| An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. |
An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh. |
Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House? |
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. |
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. |
Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it. |
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. |
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they do today. |
I was not a child prodigy, because a child prodigy is a child who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows up. |
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago. |
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip. |
Nothing you can't spell will ever work. |
On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does. |
The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter-he's got to just know. |
The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself. |
The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them. |
There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators. |
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. |
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. |
We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can. |
We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by. |
We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it. |
Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth. |
There is only one thing that can kill the Movies, and that is education. |
The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the best. |
| Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else. |
You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. |
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. |
You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way. |
Well, all I know is what I read in the papers. |
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. |
I bet you if I had met him [Trotsky] and had a chat with him, I would have found him a very interesting and human fellow, for I never yet met a man that I didn't like. |
See what will happen if you don't stop biting your fingernails? |
Communism is like prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't work. |
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